Dipping my toes in the water

Earlier this year I had the pleasure of attending a Faith Day where I work and since all things are virtual it was by zoom, and we were lucky enough to have Fr. Rob Galea speaking to us that day from his office in Australia. After just reading  his book, Breakthrough I was beyond excited to hear him speak. Part of his message was the statement Do It Scared and let me tell you I can relate.

Like many who have experienced anxiety I work through doing some things scared. Sometimes you are lucky enough to dip your toe in and move through the experience slowly giving yourself time to get comfortable, while other times you are suddenly fully in it like you have fallen off the dock and are coming up gasping for air. Easing into things allows you to be mindful of  that anxious feeling, maybe be curious with it and think about it and if you are lucky find out why it’s there. This contrasts with falling in where you are suddenly in that full blown panic attack state where you figure out how to save yourself in the moment, and hope that you can be mindful enough to reflect back and learn something.

The situation I am currently in I have the ability to dip my toes in and do it slowly, so here goes.  While I have always been shy and quiet by nature especially in groups of people I haven’t always been so guarded on my social media as I am now, that developed along my journey. Now however I have things to share, things that by nature are meant to be shared and if I would like to grow to be successful in what I want to be doing I have to dip my toes in and start the process of sharing. By dipping my toes in I can deal with the anxiety and look at myself as I do this. So here goes nothing…

2020 started off innocently enough. I was pumped as a boxing coach, I had also just completed my personal training certification and was enrolled as a yoga instructor. Then, like the rest of the world, I was thrown a curveball in the form of a worldwide pandemic. I couldn’t share my new found skills the way I expected to, hell I couldn’t even coach the boxing classes I normally did or continue to dip my toes into kickboxing. While still completing my yoga instructors I enrolled in sports nutrition, then in addition to a change in kids schooling and the way we lived our lives I was laid off from my job. Don’t get me wrong I know plenty of people were, but I always identified myself with what I did for work, that I was employed and coached and was busy….and then I just wasn’t. At the time I didn’t see it but looking back I can see that situation made me unsure of who I was, should it have – no. Having done the work I have done since then do I feel this would be how things would play out now? HELL NO. But with the tools I had then that is what it did, and I am slowly rebuilding myself – AGAIN, am I rebuilding the same version? HELL NO – or at least I am working hard to build an improved version.

The summary of 2020 until now involves my daughter turning 18 but not being able to celebrate the way she expected. She graduated without the family BBQ, ceremony and fanfare typically involved. My son turned to online schooling and while he didn’t normally like school he quickly learned it was far better than his new world of online school, now back in school this school year his marks are better than ever. I completed both my yoga and sports nutrition training. I came back here to blogging, I signed up for workshops by zoom, I started a podcast, and I signed up for a Wellness Coaching program. I signed up with Modere as I believe in some of their products, but it’s hard to make a sale or tell anyone the benefits when you won’t share that you do it. Trust me when I say that I have come up with every reason under the sun to put off not sharing any of it: 

-I want to change the blog name as that is no longer me, so no point in sharing until I have landed on a name

-I want a name to operate personal training, wellness and nutrition under but can’t seem to land on one that makes me super happy so why promote that I do it

-I don’t like social media posts that feel “salesy” and boxed so why promote it (well you dumbass to make share the benefits, or maybe make a sale)

-I want to share that I am a trainer and boxing coach more but have gained some COVID weight (like many others) so why would I share that I am a coach of any kind if I don’t have the body that people might want. Let’s be clear I would never place that expectation on anyone else I know – but here I have it on me???

-Things I have shared about my life in the past have been used to hurt me so why share (because people in general are not looking to do that good grief I know better now)

-People might talk about it (who cares and really the one thing I wish I could tell my younger self is no one has the time to talk about you. They are all too interested in their own lives so do what you want and see what happens. Which is infinitely better than doing nothing and regretting it.)

Only recently did I tentatively put out in the world that I completed my nutrition course but nothing else. I have an Instagram for our podcast nothing on it associates back to any of my personal posts, and my personal posts NEVER reference it, or our podcast, or this blog because heaven forbid someone might read, see or listen? What is with that, all of those platforms are meant to be shared? As I work to be more mindful of my emotions, triggers, thoughts and general wellbeing I have started to question it. I realize, and I would be the first to tell someone else, that nothing great happens inside of your comfort zone so I guess it is time to start getting outside of mine. So I will edit this, post it on my blog, and then maybe just maybe share somewhere that I do one, or any, or all of these things and see where that takes me.

Maybe my next plan will be world domination – might as well jump in with both feet right! Watch out world here I come (Slowly though as I dip my toes in and walk to the deep end where I can’t touch the ground!)

When you know, you know

Have you ever been in that situation where there is a decision and it seems so clear to you which way to go it is like there is a spotlight? That is where I was last week and it feels great.

At the start of 2020 (and the start of the global COVID pandemic) I received my certification as a Personal Trainer – yup just as gyms closed down. Prior to that I was a boxing coach, and while I am very aware I could have transitioned to online sessions I just didn’t feel that I was there as a trainer new to this personal training world. Right at the start of that pandemic I also signed up to complete my yoga instructors certification, and sports nutrition certification. Fast forward a year to current day – I have completed those certifications also but finished them feeling a little stuck actually. While my boxing gym is open to training those under 18 it is definitely not the gym atmosphere, or training as we knew it. Did I have a plan starting all of these courses? Maybe not a laid out plan but more of a vision or a feeling at that point. I wasn’t sure however how that vision fit in this new world of the online training so instead I was stuck.

Along the way in that year I just fast forwarded through I started to looking at a Wellness Coach type program to tie all of this knowledge together and hopefully clear up this feeling. On this journey lots of things changed I hired a personal life coach for awhile, I signed up for workshops with the most amazing soul, and a some great women, at a healing center where I truly felt I connected ( Healing Hearts Wellness Studio – Healing, Wellness, Meditation), I became the co-host of a podcast, and slowly came back here to write my random thoughts here on the internet also. I learned to program boxing classes that were more socially distanced, I worked on motivating myself at home to put in an honest work out. My yoga practice became more of a place for me rather than trying to master the next hard or Instagram worthy pose it allowed my mind space and was gentle on my body instead of a means to an end.

I looked at several programs, signed up for their newsletters, read them and even took a few calls from the people who recruit students to these classes. Yet I couldn’t settle, nothing pulled me in. Then in one more search I thought would be pointless I clicked on an article that actually said it was about insurance for personal trainers that I thought I would read. There instead I came across a Fitness and Nutrition Expert certification program with Fit Chicks, and I knew right then that was my program. I voraciously read all I could find on them looking for something to be wrong but the more I read the more that I knew this was where I needed to be. Within 24 hours I had signed up, if I had any doubts they were solved when I had a technical issue and it was dealt with so well exactly the way I would want to treat a client.

So here I am working through many things I already know but that are now presented so well that rather than it feeling like a muskeg to wade through I can’t wait to work on it every day. There is just so many tips and tricks even going through the lessons, and weekly coaching calls that I seem to be endlessly making notes as I try to take it all in and remember all of these “AHA” moments. This program will go more in depth with what I already know, and will add in some factors wellness factors like healthy sleep, mindset, and meditation, that I have not officially studied in yet but practice already and believe in so strongly I can’t wait to study them.

At one point in my life I may have questioned why it took so many searches to end up there, I am wiser now and know that I didn’t find it because I was not yet ready.  I am ready now – and watch out world here I come!

A funk?

Feeling in a funk – I just listened to a podcast titled Falling into a Funk(and how to get out)  check it out over at https://caffeineandhighhopes.ca/podcast/ and let me tell you I have definitely already fallen.

Not that things are not good, life is fine just feeling a little blah(for lack of a better word) I get that this happens this time of the year for me. In bed the other night I started to cry realizing the day had passed and it was January 31 – 6 years before I was processing the news that my dad was dying, not that we are not all dying but I knew that his was close and immentant and I knew what would cause it. Processing that I had to figure out how to tell my kids who were 12 & 8 what was happening (looking back wow I can’t believe how young they were back then) As I type their ages now that day seems like a lifetime ago yet the feelings that come up this time of year are still so raw. I can’t help but wonder when that feeling changes.

That is a big one there are however more factors helping to make this funk deeper. I have not been exercising regularly for the past 2 weeks and I am aware that any winter this is my tool to hold off the January blues. I recently slipped on ice and hurt my hip and back, not badly I fixed it with a massage the other day but it took that tool away for a bit. Being aware that is one of my tools, am I not using my tools lately or life just a lot lately? It is that time of the year for me (which is apparently a thing over the past 5 years), that time of the month currently (which does not help anything and sends me 2 days of being an emotional wreck), there are covid restrictions, and a global pandemic, my family situation is slowly changing as the above mentioned amazing kids grow up. 

Maybe instead of trying to hustle through, suck it up, pick myself up and dust myself off  I should instead allow myself some grace – and ensure that I use those tools I have established. Lean into the texts, tea and support from the strong women I have surrounded myself with, enjoy a bath, a candle, some time to read or knit, clean my room, exercise, journal…which brings me back here always back to writing somehow, in some form. 

Something about getting all of the things out of my head, stopping and spelling them out in black and white makes me review things and I  realize making a list of the things on my mind that there are a lot of things. Seeing it in black and white on the page reminds me to be kind to yourself to tell myself any of the things I would be telling one of my great friends if they came to me with this problem in their lives. Funny I never give myself the same grace and compassion I give others. 

So here I am writing, looking forward to a stroll on the treadmill tonight and some yoga. I already feel less tension in my shoulders and neck and a lighter weight on my brain. For today it appears this tool might solve this problem. I will try to remind myself that if tomorrow feels the same I do have other tools and yes I already know. However I  need to remember I pack these tools all the time but they do me no good if I don’t put them to use!

Much love to all – me included.

I’m Back…

I’ll start out by stating the obvious and saying “I’m back!” It seems when I am paying attention to my life, or listen to the whispers, all things point back here. The morning I wrote this post I read a quote in an email about self care saying “Give up being right around people who are committed to making you wrong” Amana White, LPC. This struck me as profound.

Since I have been working on the self care, self work, self improvement I realize how much peace this realization can bring. I used to be willing to argue my “rightness” for hours and still hold on to that feeling when I walked away. I let it eat away at the edges of my thoughts, I let it stew, bubble, percolate, permeate through my being I was right why couldn’t they just accept it. I carried the thought like a weight. Along the way I have discovered I forgave a lot of things and in trying to find a piece of my own peace I have come to realize I enjoy being happy. Really the only one who needs to believe I am right is me, why did this realization take so long to come to? What does it matter to me if someone else thinks they are right, we can both walk away believing that our own side of the argument, opinion or hurt feeling is right. I don’t have to let it eat away at the edges of who I want to be, or pack a weight that is not mine to pack. I can move on with lightness and peace and enjoy my day, be thankful for the sunshine, the waves on the water, or the snow under my feet (although I am slightly less thankful for snow than waves – for the record).

I watched an Instagram story this same morning saying that one of my favorite bloggers gave her now successful blog to herself 5 years ago that struck me too. What a great way to view a blog as a gift to yourself – we could all use more of those. I started this blog in what seems like another life I thought I would do it for myself. I posted a few times then gave it up. I have made a few drafts again recently but didn’t hit publish. However the more self work, journaling, yoga, reflection I do lately the more I am drawn back here. Well at least I am drawn somewhere so I am going to return to this fork in the road and see what options this journey may bring. At one point I was concerned to put my feelings out here, concerned about what others might think, scared that someone in my real life might be offended by something I write. The best way to write is to write about what you know, which comes back to real life. I guess then here goes nothing I am willing to try again, get back here and put it all out there. Maybe this is a part of getting older, I care less about the opinions of others. Wait that’s not correct it’s not that I don’t care – it’s that their opinion is not mine to carry. I have come to realize that I have been carrying what I think others’ opinions of me might be rather than worrying about my opinions of me. I carry this thought in my head of what I think my mom, my kids, my ex husband, my SO might expect from me. As I get older I realize I need to be more conscious of what I think of myself, and part of that is writing as it is something I have always gone back to and been drawn to. Rather than writing and never looking at it again in a journal, I am going to post some of it back here. I am strong enough to take it, and who knows maybe someone else will be interested or helped along the way, as this will definitely not just be a highlight reel of life as social media can be. Trust me though some of this thing called life is best left in those journals so they are still around, there is no point in throwing everything out on the internet some of it needed to be written down to get it out but it doesn’t need to be read or I am trying to get better at listening to the whispers in my life (a phrase from another strong person I enjoy) and lately all of the whispers feel like they are pointing back here.

So I am back, not sure how much I will advertise just yet that I am back. Then again you never know I might shout it everywhere that I am back here, people can do with that as they please read it, not read it, like it or not like it that is not mine to carry.

A Whole different me…..

Lately I have spent more time reading blogs, I have spent time doing a lot of different things than I was doing back when I first started this blog, including writing and journaling more.

I will start by saying I am not the same person, living any where near the same life as when I started writing this. What is the same – no matter what I was doing amongst the changes in my life I have brought my knitting along. Let me quickly gloss over the last few years – I left my husband and it was messier and harder to do than I ever imagined. I guess that is what I was afraid of for some time or I would have left earlier when I realized that where I was, was not where I needed to be. I was scared it would be hard and messy, it was hard….and in the three years since then messy does not even begin to describe it.

During the time since I last wrote here I lost my Dad also, actually two years ago today exactly I lost my Dad to lung cancer. His battle was short from the time of diagnosis to his death and in some selfish was I wish it were longer as I was not brave enough or confident enough to tell him many things that I wish that I had said. But that thought is selfish because his short battle was harder than I imagined that it could have been, and for that I am glad his battle was short. I would rather deal with things I wish I had said than have watched him suffer any longer. I am comforted by the thought that he can see me now, he can see that the kids are doing great, that I am stronger, and that he could have met who I see now I am sure that they would have gotten along. I hope that he can see his gun out with us during hunting season, that my son boxes now, that my daughter wins archery competitions that we are strong and doing well. I wish he could have seen the kids using his gold pans searching for gold on the river banks. Been with my son the first time he went chicken hunting, seen my daughter as we taught her to drive a standard (my Dad taught me to drive my first standard) I hope he sees that my mom is strong no matter how hard it was for her to lose her only love who was there for her through so much. I am sure he can see – and I hope that he smiles that smile and is proud of all of us.

I am different now I want to write more again because I read more now. I am more inspired and hope that by working on my writing along the way some part of something I write one day will inspire, encourage or at least make someone stop and think the way the things I have read have done for me. Now I want to write for those reasons instead of when I started this and wrote because I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Instead I have plenty of people to talk to (one in particular who I love to talk to), writing is different for me.

Back to what I started writing this blog about along all of these life changes I have taken my knitting – I knitted because when I first left my husband my nerves were shot I couldn’t sit still to save my life – knitting allowed me to fidget in a productive way. I knit socks while visiting my dad in the hospital because I was at a loss for something to do but I needed to be there knitting let me sit there and still do something. Now I have a peace that I can’t remember ever having as an adult, I can quiet my mind, can sit still, can go for a run because I want to rather than to try to run off the crazy like I used to. Now in that peace I can knit. I can knit while I watch tv, or while we watch a sailing video, I knit in the truck while we drive to a fishing hot spot, I knit while we put on 9,000km last summer on road trips, I knit on a weekend while I leisurely enjoy a coffee. I am looking now at harder more intricate patterns to knit as I am relaxed and have the head space to dedicate to something new. I do still knit plain hats, socks, and lately mittens as it was a special request from someone I simply can’t say no to!

I have also changed my title here to not your cup of tea – because I have changed and realized I don’t care if I am not someone’s cup of tea as long as I am happy with myself and the choices I make.

 

 

 

 

The things we don’t think of ….

This time of year always makes me think….I don’t mean about summer memories, warm weather all those things that you might think of. It makes my daughters allergies come to mind because this is the time of year that we go out to the allergist. It reminds me of one of my true fears in life….peanuts. Who would have thought right? Let me take you back and fill you in on the story.

When my daughter was young we found out that she was allergic to nuts, specifically peanuts and brazil nuts. We were very lucky we did not find out because she ate one but because someone who had eaten one kissed her cheek, this caused a swollen mark on her face. This led to a doctors appointment where we were all told to avoid nuts (obviously) and were referred to an allergist, not any allergist but in my doctors words ” I’ll make it so you can easily relate he is like the Wayne Gretzky of his field guys, why go to good if you have the opportunity to go to great” he made some phone calls and we were on the wait list for a phone call from “the great”. The phone call came and we were told our appointment date, she could not have any Benadryl, Claritin, any allergy medication for 10 days before the appointment. This was hard as she also had severe eczema which made her scratch until she bled, allergy medication brought some relief so she could sleep well.

So we stopped any allergy medication, hooked up our holiday trailer (we might as well make it a trip) and headed for a night at the lake in the way. Here it comes wait for it here comes the things we don’t think of……

We pulled in to a great campsite, checked in pulled over to the site we were assigned, backed in unhooked the trailer and took her out of the truck to play. Then we saw it……the whole campsite covered in peanut shells. It is hard to explain the fear that brought to us, remember we were new to all of these allergies. So we swept out the campsite and did our playing in the dirt that night on the beach instead. This made me first realize the changes in our lives we had done this before sat at the campfire and shelled peanuts to eat, heck sat at the coffee table and did that. We had already started to read the food labels but this one campsite made me realize all of the things I would fear.

We made it safely to the allergist, were told how to deal with the scratching and improve her skin, and went for a blood test to find out just how bad the apparent allergies to peanuts and brazil nuts were, then home we went.two weeks later brought a phone call saying the levels of antibodies in her blood for peanuts was off the charts. This means she was not just allergic but HIGHLY ALLERGIC to peanuts.

So we read the food labels, we pack an epi-pen, I have a written card that goes in her bag she takes to friends, to birthday parties those places she goes without me (now that she is 10 there are more of those places too) that has a list of contact numbers with her epi-pen. I’m sure that parents think I am nuts myself, the list has home, cell phone and work numbers for my husband and I, as well as my parents (alot of numbers I know). The things I never thought of though is the container of bleach and water in our camper so when we arrive at campsites I can spay the picnic table maybe they shelled peanuts here last night, when she comes home from school and says the new teacher this year forgot her allergy so everyone in class but her got a treat today, when even though all the parents in her class know her allergies someone brought cupcakes to school today and even though they told her up they were safe she was scared so she didn’t have one ( and I blink back the tears hoping she didn’t see them) . There have been so many things I just didn’t think of along the way and so many of these that are not obvious when you say peanut allergy are the things that scare me the most.

So I have to fit some knitting in on this post also sometime ago I found a pattern that I loved but did not suit me so I started anyways knowing I would find a home so I started a beautiful pale pink shawl with crosses made of cables and I knit. Finished it is wonderful I love the size, the color, the way it feels but alas still not my style so it went to a year end teachers gift as I knew it suited this teacher perfectly. I still can’t help but like the feel and look of this one though. Take care dear friends and I will try to have something more upbeat to say next time.

Oh wait just maybe…..

I am not really writing this post today to inform you of anything, or to make you cry(right mom?) I am simply writing something to attempt to add a picture to a post. Really? You might ask a blogger not trying to express something with words yeah really I have tried every way imaginable to upload a photo to is blog from my computer tonight I am moving on to more drastic measures I am trying to post from the iPad to see if I have any luck before I resort to asking on twitter for help.

My basic information is this shawl is probably my favorite thing I have knit, I knit most of it on my family vacation it was fun to knit! It is made of real wool, I had to soak, wash, block all of the things I have read about real knitters doing. Now it is done and it is beautiful I’m not sure it is my style but it is beautiful I love it. Oh wait to add to the things about this that make me happy someone who never met me read about my wish to knit this pattern and bought the pattern for me – how nice can people be a strangers gift made my day on a day I needed a hand.

Ok sorry I have gotten wordy and I guess I did have something to say and a point to be made again. Now wish me luck in trying to add a picture to it all.

Knitting Heroes – My Grandma

This week is Knitting and Crochet Blog week – what on earth does this mean you might ask. Well it first of all means I may be (ok I am) a bit of a geek for knowing this, but it is a week of daily prompts or topics that knitting or crochet bloggers are asked to blog about. This means a different blog post daily for many bloggers and there are many that are knitting and crochet based ( I know that this may shock my many non-knitting friends). I have had the opportunity to read some great posts so far this week – but I have not had the time or inclination to participate…… until today.  I read the topic this morning and knew that I had to post on this – how could I not.

My knitting hero is simple this is not a question I have to think about for a second, and there are not many questions like that in my life. It is my Grandma Avis – she knit a lot. That is probably an understatement she knit all of the time she had a chair set in front of their large living room window on a main street and everyone in their small town knew that she sat there and knit. She knit us all afghans, mittens, hats, baby sets for I think every new born in town, and sweaters. Now these were not just sweaters but the ones from the Mary Maxim catalogue that had designs on the back – siwash sweaters. We had them all of us grandkids our parents, friends and they all reflected our interests curling rocks, kittens, trucks, argos, snow mobiles, you name it we had it on a sweater and they were great.

I remember lots about my Grandma she was amazing, I remember every detail of their house, the smell when we got there, where the pictures hung on the walls, where the christmas tree sat every year (that is the only time her chair moved from the window so the tree could sit there for all to see) her chair with an ottoman next to it full of wool. All of these memories include her knitting in that chair I remember vividly every Saturday our world came to a stop while Stampede Wrestling was on TV as kids if we made noise my Grandpa would tell us to be quiet during this time or go out and play in traffic (somewhat jokingly) my uncles were there to watch and my parents and us grandkids were there doing something and my Grandma watched and knit. If you paid attention the clicking of her metal needles changed with the action in the wrestling match the more action in the match or the more controversial the wrestler speaking the quicker her needles clicked. Yet I don’t ever remember her missing a stitch or really ever looking at the pattern now that I think about it.

My Grandma taught me to knit every once in a while my cousins and I would ask she would then dig out some plastic needles, let us pick from the pile of yarn left overs and cast on for us. I don’t think we ever finished any of the half-hearted scarves or baby doll blankets we started but she always let us start. I never took to the knitting though always abandoned it when I left for the day. She has been gone now for over 20 years and I miss her terribly, even now I am crying as I write my memories of her. But if I go downstairs there is a cupboard of knitted afghans made with her hands, my kids have siwash sweaters with snowmen and kittens on the back. Not from her she never had the chance to meet my kids, but when they were little my non-knitting mother learned to knit just so that she could make them those sweaters that I remember from my childhood(I have spent many hours tonight trying to upload a picture of this sweater – but alas the computer is winning- I may edit. I have as an adult learned to knit with the help of you tube.  I have joined Ravelry, a facebook like page that is all people who knit and crochet with free patterns to look at and use, forums to ask for help in it is amazing the things you can see and learn.

Everytime I post a question for help with my newest problem (and I have  in my knitting)I wish I could pick up the phone and call her to ask. When I look through the pages of pattern I wish I could show her all of the amazing things you can see and have access to from other knitters all over the world now with a click of the keyboard. I imagine the things she could make and see with this technology – she had patterns from Mary Maxim and the local department store. That being said the store where she bought those pattern books is still open in the small town about an hour from where I live now.

On a good weekend I get to drive by the house where she lived, see that spot in the window and if I have time go to that very store and pick out the yarn for my latest creation.

I realize I am lucky

Ok so the following writing has been sitting here for some time, today is actually April 3- i think this post may reflect the date i actually wrote it, while I contemplated what I wrote. My stroke affected me and my family deeply and it still affects me not in the way it once did though. It is no longer about mobility or continued tests it is now about deeper things trying to take time for myself, to take a breath or a walk, to truly pay attention to my kids when they need me they are only this age for a short while, to try to show compassion to others, so many things that I have made a decision to try to change. I would like to make a difference in this world. So after sitting on the following post and feeling bad about already not posting often on a new blog here goes……..

Over a year ago I had a stroke, a mild stroke but still a stroke at a young age. It was scary and possibly more scary were the few tiny things I struggled to do with my left hand (the side that was affected) and they were small things, putting the back on my daughters earrings, buttoning tight pants things that most people never even noticed unless they were truly looking for it, looking for weakness. At the time it angered and saddened me but I taught myself to knit during that time to help my hand and calm my mind. Not that I hadn’t knit before that I learned from my grandma many times over the years with many abandoned scarves to show. This time I turned to YouTube and learned again.

I knit dishcloths, lots, then hats knit flat, then in the round, mittens, and most recently a sweater for myself. I can do up any small earring now a year later, button any button, and thread any needle. I know that I am lucky. What brings this to mind right now is visiting a friend who recently had a stroke and was dramatically affected by theirs instead of being so lucky. I visited the hospital today and it shook me to see my friend affected this away and I came home from the hospital, had a warm bath, then picked up my knitting to quiet my mind and comfort myself.

Looking back on the day tonight I simply think that I am lucky, and think I will knit a few more rows before bed.

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That all being said I promise to anyone who has taken the time to read this to post more and add some pictures too! Have a great day.

Well here goes…

Well here goes nothing! So this is the first post on my new blog, once upon a time I loved to write I loved being able to inspire feelings, and ideas, and to trigger memories of others with the words I put on paper. So I am going to give it a shot again, only this time not the poetry and fiction I wrote as a teenager but instead a blog with the things that go on in my day to day life (or sometimes I guess just the thoughts in my head).

I will start out with the simple things like who I am for those who don’t know me I am 37 years old an live on an acreage in Northern Alberta with my husband who is my very best friend, my Dear Daughter who is the girliest girl I know, an aspiring performer I am sure, and my Dear Son who is a quick witted boy who like his sister never ceases to amaze me. My newest obsession is knitting so that is mostly what will be featured here – sorry for those of you who may be reading but have no interest in needles and yarn my deepest apologies to you. I am sure that there will be many other topics here but this will definately be a big part of what I have to say.

Now that we have gotten the introductions out of the way I have to say that this scares me but blogs(somewhat) and podcasts fascinate me – mostly podcasts as I can listen to those on the run and I am usually on the run. Of course it is also easiest to listen rather than read while knitting so podcasts fit well. But alas I am not equipped to speak into a mike yet so instead I will type out my thoughts for anyone who may be interested enough to venture over here and have a read. I have to admit this does scare me though – it scares me a little that people will read what I have to say and judge what I throw out there for thoughts and ideas. That being said it also scares me that no one will pop in to read that there will be no feedback or views and then what?

While I am listing what scares me I have started to knit my first sweater. Not the first thing I have knit by any means I have knit a ton of hats, dishcloths, scarves, even a pair of mitts or two but nothing with so many parts as a sweater. First of all there is a chance I will put all of these stitches and all of this time in to make a sweater I love that may or may not fit me (I’m not yet that confident in patterns to adjust along the way – I’m pretty sure I measured right and choose the right size). Secondly I don’t really have a very long attention span I am used to knitting one piece and being done this time however I have to knit a front, back and arms yikes! This being said right this second I have done a front and just about finished the back and I am still interested. So wish me luck and if you choose to follow along I will post some pictures next time.