Lately I have spent more time reading blogs, I have spent time doing a lot of different things than I was doing back when I first started this blog, including writing and journaling more.

I will start by saying I am not the same person, living any where near the same life as when I started writing this. I use started writing this loosely as there are not many posts here. What is the same – no matter what I was doing amongst the changes in my life I have brought my knitting along. Let me quickly gloss over the last few years – I left my husband and it was messier and harder to do than I ever imagined. I guess that is what I was afraid of for some time or I would have left earlier when I realized that where I was, was not where I needed to be. I was scared it would be hard and messy, it was hard….and in the three years since then messy does not even begin to describe it.

During the time since I last wrote here I lost my Dad also, actually two years ago today exactly I lost my Dad to lung cancer. His battle was short from the time of diagnosis to his death and in some selfish was I wish it were longer as I was not brave enough or confident enough to tell him many things that I wish that I had said. But that thought is selfish because his short battle was harder than I imagined that it could have been, and for that I am glad his battle was short. I would rather deal with things I wish I had said than have watched him suffer any longer. I am comforted by the thought that he can see me know, he can see that the kids are doing great, that I am stronger, and that he could have met who I see now I am sure that they would have gotten along. I hope that he can see his gun out with us during hunting season, that my son boxes now, that my daughter wins archery competitions that we are strong and doing well. I wish he could have seen the kids using his gold pans searching for gold on the river banks. Been with my son the first time he went chicken hunting, seen my daughter as we taught her to drive a standard (my Dad taught me to drive my first standard) I hope he sees that my mom is strong no matter how hard it was for her to lose her only love who was there for her through so much. I am sure he can see – and I hope that he smiles that smile and is proud of all of us.

I am different now I want to write more again because I read more now. I am more inspired and hope that by working on my writing along the way some part of something I write one day will inspire, encourage or at least make someone stop and think the way the things I have read have done for me. Now I want to write for those reasons instead of when I started this and wrote because I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Instead I have plenty of people to talk to (one in particular who I love to talk to), writing is different for me.

Back to what I started writing this blog about along all of these life changes I have taken my knitting – I knitted because when I first left my husband my nerves were shot I couldn’t sit still to save my life – knitting allowed me to fidget in a productive way. I knit socks while visiting my dad in the hospital because I was at a loss for something to do but I needed to be there knitting let me sit there and still do something. Now I have a peace that I can’t remember ever having as an adult, I can quiet my mind, can sit still, can go for a run because I want to rather than to try to run off the crazy like I used to. Now in that peace I can knit. I can knit while I watch tv, or while we watch a sailing video, I knit in the truck while we drive to a fishing hot spot, I knit while we put on 9,000km last summer on road trips, I knit on a weekend while I leisurely enjoy a coffee. I am looking now at harder more intricate patterns to knit as I am relaxed and have the head space to dedicate to something new. I do still knit plain hats, socks, and lately mittens as it was a special request from someone I simply can’t say no to!

I have also changed my title here to not your cup of tea – because I have changed and realized I don’t care if I am not someone’s cup of tea as long as I am happy with myself and the choices I make.