Feeling in a funk – I just listened to a podcast titled Falling into a Funk(and how to get out)  check it out over at https://caffeineandhighhopes.ca/podcast/ and let me tell you I have definitely already fallen.

Not that things are not good, life is fine just feeling a little blah(for lack of a better word) I get that this happens this time of the year for me. In bed the other night I started to cry realizing the day had passed and it was January 31 – 6 years before I was processing the news that my dad was dying, not that we are not all dying but I knew that his was close and immentant and I knew what would cause it. Processing that I had to figure out how to tell my kids who were 12 & 8 what was happening (looking back wow I can’t believe how young they were back then) As I type their ages now that day seems like a lifetime ago yet the feelings that come up this time of year are still so raw. I can’t help but wonder when that feeling changes.

That is a big one there are however more factors helping to make this funk deeper. I have not been exercising regularly for the past 2 weeks and I am aware that any winter this is my tool to hold off the January blues. I recently slipped on ice and hurt my hip and back, not badly I fixed it with a massage the other day but it took that tool away for a bit. Being aware that is one of my tools, am I not using my tools lately or life just a lot lately? It is that time of the year for me (which is apparently a thing over the past 5 years), that time of the month currently (which does not help anything and sends me 2 days of being an emotional wreck), there are covid restrictions, and a global pandemic, my family situation is slowly changing as the above mentioned amazing kids grow up. 

Maybe instead of trying to hustle through, suck it up, pick myself up and dust myself off  I should instead allow myself some grace – and ensure that I use those tools I have established. Lean into the texts, tea and support from the strong women I have surrounded myself with, enjoy a bath, a candle, some time to read or knit, clean my room, exercise, journal…which brings me back here always back to writing somehow, in some form. 

Something about getting all of the things out of my head, stopping and spelling them out in black and white makes me review things and I  realize making a list of the things on my mind that there are a lot of things. Seeing it in black and white on the page reminds me to be kind to yourself to tell myself any of the things I would be telling one of my great friends if they came to me with this problem in their lives. Funny I never give myself the same grace and compassion I give others. 

So here I am writing, looking forward to a stroll on the treadmill tonight and some yoga. I already feel less tension in my shoulders and neck and a lighter weight on my brain. For today it appears this tool might solve this problem. I will try to remind myself that if tomorrow feels the same I do have other tools and yes I already know. However I  need to remember I pack these tools all the time but they do me no good if I don’t put them to use!

Much love to all – me included.